Samantha Dumms

Poetry V

2009-05-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

It took a while for me to find these, or realize I wrote them. Still an interesting year, I moved out, dealt with losing friends, and bonds, that were seemingly deep, were broken. It was also a year full of "no title" poems, I just barely titled some of them now. If there are a few that seem out of place, I did those for my last year of English.

2008

Silence

Silence…
All around me is silence…
Only the clock seems to be talkative
Ticking away
Ticking away.

Thoughts gather around,
Attempt to keep me company
About this and that
This and that.

Would you like to help?
Could you come and help
Help me get away
Get away.

Closure seems so far away
Everyday stars anew
But I am left behind
Left behind

I close my eyes to find a way
To sort this all out
I fear I won’t last
I won’t last.

It can’t end this way,
With the clock telling me all its woes
Just ticking away
Ticking away.

Will I forget?
Will I forgive?
We’ll be together again, like a dream
Like a dream.

Thinking of you
Falling further behind
Losing the trail
Losing the trail.

I don’t know what to do
Could you help me?
Speak in spite of the silence
The silence.

You’re walking away
Leaving me alone
To face the silence
To face the silence.

Tick
Tick
Tick
Tick

The clock offers no help
My thoughts sink lower
Into the silent night
The silent night.

Silence…
All around me is silence…
Only the clock seems to be talkative
Ticking away
Ticking away.

I Am From

I am from past emotions
that will forever remain an enigma
I am from black notes splotched on paper
begging me to play a haunting melody
so elegant and subtle

I am from betrayal
friends breaking promises
people never realizing
never anticipating

I am from pain
happiness, and excitement
I am from water
Calming, nourishing

I am from acceptance
and discrimination
working together to fule the fire

I am from passion
strong, powerful, dazzeling
I am from arguments
never ending
never giving up

I am from perseverance
always trying when I shouldn't
always hoping to succeed

I am from chaos
which the chords strike
mixed with words
jumbled things
coming together

I am from the outside
looking at the midnight sky,
so peaceful

Picture

I keep your picture
Always near me
I may not look at it every day
But I do know it’s always there.

I keep the memories
In my head
My tears show how much they torment me
As sleep escapes me for another night

And these tears as they fall
Signify how much I want to forget you
But these sleepless nights prove
How much I cannot let you go

I look at your picture
And cannot hide the smile
That spreads across my lips

I want to let you know how I feel
How you never left my mind
How I stayed up late reliving the good times
And how often I’ve beaten myself up for the bad

I want to let you know how much I’ve missed you
I’ve missed your face
Your smile
Your laugh….

I keep your picture
Always near me
I don’t need to look at it every day
I’ve memorized your face

If only I could put into words how I feel,
I want to see you again,
But you don't want that
And it hurts.

Summer Dreams

Laughing I look up to the clear blue sky
You are the only thing in my own thought
Only one word crosses my mind, it asks why
With the candied memories that we bought

On these warm summer mornings I smile
Before dawn breaks I think of you
If only these feelings last longer than a while
But you believe its time to say “we’re through”

While the sun heads higher in the sky
Dancing and chasing away all my woes
I feel almost as if I can fly
Forgetting whom I dare call my foes

Now believing that it is late at night
I can’t help think of you, despite my might.

Bittersweet Memories

Close your eyes and I’ll take you along
Take my hand and we’ll have no worries
Time will stand still as our laughter fades..

These pictures fade with our memories,
The ink dries and turns to dust
as the paper yellows with the passing of time

Memories seem so far off
So far away
Trying hard to hold on tight...
To what became us

O to hear your lies again
And slip into bliss once more
But the mere dream turns to nightmare
As the dust covers my mouth and coats my lungs

Suffocation in the simplest words
As violent as the crashing waves
Upon the soft sand beaches

These memories were sugar-coated daggers
Piercing all our memories with bittersweet tips
Laced with poison

Could it be the truth if I said I’d miss you?
Would you ever return those feelings?
We call each other friends
And yet I see nothing like that right now....

But for now, I’ll close my eyes
I’ll take your hand and lose all worries
Time will stand still until the laughter fades

Princess

I wish I were a princess,
with long flowing hair
and a crown made of jewels
That would sit upon my head

I wouldn't act spoiled
or mean
and I'd have the animals as my friends
Just like in the movies

I'd sing a song
about my love I never met
Then my prince will show
and save me from dangers

He'll be strong
sweet and kind
He'll sweet me off my feet
and we'll ride away into the sunset

Living happily ever after

I wish I were a princess

I Want...

I want to find someone
who will just grab my hand,
who will look me in the eye when they speak to me
Someone who will buy me flowers
for any of the times we go out
I want to have someone
who will allow me to feel safe.

I want to be so overwhelmed with love
that I could die.

I want to find someone
who will hold me through the night
who will keep me close after a bad dream
Someone I could lay my head on,
and fall asleep to their breathing.
I want to have somone
with comfortable arms and a gentile touch.

I want to be so smothered in love
that I coud die.

I want to meet someone
who will kiss my forehead when I have a headache
who will wipe my tears away, then kiss my eye lids
Someone who will hold me close as I sob
and tell me it will all work out for the better
I want to have someone who won't leave me
just because I've had a bad day.

I want to be so submersed in love
that I could drown.

I want to find someone
who will whisper sweet nothings in my ear
who will tell me they love me with their heart
Someone who won't lie to me because they know
that's what I wanted to hear
I want to have someone I could live my life with
and share all happiness and sadness with

I want to be so overwhelmed in love
that I could die.

I want to find someone
who will share my joy in my success
who will console me when I fail
Someone who will be there for me
through it all
I want to have someone who will be happy with me
and not expect me to change in any way.

I want to be so smothered in love
that I could die.

I want to find someone
who is sweet, kind, and patient
who will understand my fear of being hurt
Someone who won't use my fears against me
but will help me fight through them and find a new light.
I want to have someone to help me
through all of life's changes

I want to be so submerged in love
that I could drown.

I want to find someone
who is content with seeing me in my pajamas
who is fine with just sitting under a tree in a park
Someone who will hold my face in their hands gently
when I can't look them in the eye for embarassment.
I want to have someone that knows what to say
and what to do when my life is in shambles.

I want to be overwhelmed in love...

I want to find someone
who will talk to me for hours on end without stopping
who will take me out for a fancy night out on the town
Someone who could take me to a beach and watch the sunset
just the two of us, alone with the darkening sky.
I want to find someone who can accept my faults
as well as my perfections

I want to be smothered in love...

I want to find someone
who will kiss me in the pouring rain
who will allow me to dance in the moonlight
Someone who will lay on the grass with me
and stargaze on a winter's night.
I want to have someone who gets me
and understand what I find romantic

I want to be submersed in love...

I want to find someone
who is confident enough to ask me
who is confident enough to put a ring on my finger
Someone I can grow old with
and watch the days pass by like seconds as time speeds up
I want to have someone who wants me in their life
and will hold me throughout ours together

I want to be loved...

Last Night

Last night I thought of you before I slept
Surprise, surprise it put me in a deeper mood
One that tears could not bring me out of.

Last night I imagined arms around me
Although the arms had no body, or face
I still knew it wouldn't ever happen.

Last night I got to thinking,
If everything happens for a reason
What is the reason for me, being confused in this life?

People tell me to have faith,
To think positive,
but whenever I do, the negative happens.

Last night I fell asleep
Thinking of all the wrongs I needed to right,
Before I left, never looking back.

Last night was mere hours ago
And yet I still feel the effects
Haunting me like a terrible ghost.

Last night I didn't dream of you
Giving me relief from these tormenting thoughts
For a few hours anyway.

Will it end soon?
Will it be complete when I leave my past,
My life, behind?

Last night I thought of you before I slept
Surprise, surprise it put me in a deeper mood
One that tears could not bring me out of.

?

Walking down the street seemingly in a hurry
Counting my steps as I go along
Ten, eleven, twelve

Trying to forget hopeless fantasies
and Romantic tales
Life hardy has a happy ending

Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen.

Walking to forget all I've known
to forget all I've said and done
This is my new life

twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four

I look up to make sure I'm getting on the right bus
Strangers sourround me
My past follows like an unwanted shadow.

New life, new friends, new loves...
Something shatters and I look up startled.

Sitting upright in my bed,
I'm in a strange place, not my room... Not my home.
Tears well up and I cry

New life, new place, new friends
But the past keeps pulling me further away
To realize a dream

I can't survive

Goodbye

As much as I hate to say this,
You are constantly on my mind.
I guess it means that I truly felt love for you
Before now.

But that bridge has been singed
from the fires of my life
and the crossing is too dangerous
for us to try and mend it.

It's all water under this said bridge,
but the current is too swift
too violent
for me to try and wet my hands in.

In the reflection of the water,
my heart seems to float away
as I see our fingers
playing a silent game with another.

In the dark it seemed harmless,
it seemed so pure
as we traced outlines
in each others hands.

Yes, it seems I have loved you,
before today
but I know for a fact
that it will soon fade

The singed bridge,
is barely standing
and just a faint whisper of wind
will tip it over.

The raging waters below,
will carry the debris away
and I can no longer cross that path
to find you on the other side.

I'm finally moving on,
from the memories of us
and the happiness I felt
whenever we seemed to touch.

If you think this is all about you,
you're wrong
for there was more than just you
in my chaotic life.

Leave me behind,
scream and hate me
I couldn't care less
I've broken my heart too many times.

Good bye memories of the past,
hello to a new cloudy future
the skies will be grey and blue
but in the rain I will be the most pure.

Games

I’m spinning,
Spiraling out of control
I don’t know what to do
or who to tell

My heart races with excitement
Tears sting at my eyes
My heart is breaking as I laugh
all at once

I’ve been hurt
I’ve been healed
I’ve been burned
I’ve been murdered

At the end of the night
In the darkening sky
I can’t keep my thoughts
away from you

There was a time
When I was yours
And you were mine
but now it is not to happen

I’ve bled
I’ve drowned
I’ve saved
I’ve died

The silence is telling me it’s over
The fresh light tells me it’s a start
Your eyes still bare into my heart
creating a scar that will not ever fade

Tell me if I’m wrong
I feel led on
Tell me if I’m right
I could die tonight

I bleed
I cry
I live
I die

Poetry IV

2009-03-11T22:06:00.000-07:00

2007 was an interesting year, it was the year I fell in love and fell out of love.. Well not falling out of it, but convincing that it wasn't meant to be. A lot of it is pining, and full of emotion. It was also a year of great stress, school, friends, life, sports... It was overwhelming and I was trying to make everyone happy. Powerful stuff, some of my best stuff... Also the maturity of the writing is shown here. Best have the * Next to them

2007

Believe Me When I Say: I Didn't Mean for This to Happen

I'm sorry for the things I never said,
and the things I've never done
Believe me when I say: I didn't mean for this to happen...

I see you with her, and it's driving me crazy.
I was scared when you asked, I didn't know what to do.
I waited too long, on someone else, who never showed.
I made the wrong choice.

I want you to know, I still think about you,
and while you no longer haunt my dreams,
I miss you.

You hold her hand in yours and smile as you two lean in close,
I turn away knowing that could've been me standing there, still in your embrace, never letting go.

But I did, you couldn't ever understand how hard I fell, and how badly it hurt.
I was scared... But you never understood it.

Now we both look oppisite ways, while yours towards another, mine looks towards nothing.
I look away to hide my jealousy, to hide my tears and frustration.
If only I told you, how I felt... About you, and about my fear.

But now it's too late, and so I apologize.
I'm sorry for the things I've never said,
and for the things I've never done

Believe me when I say: I didn't mean for this to happen.

*Drowning

The water is flowing in,
My breaths are short.
Darkness is covering my eyes,
for the water stings.

My head is submerged,
I cannot move
cannot think
cannot breathe.

A few minutes under the water
my lungs scream at me to take a breath
my muscles weaken at the lack of air

My jaw is forced open, to take a breath
but nothing good comes
from the mouth full of water
my lungs recieved.

I'm drowning,
in my own thoughts,
in my own priorities
and those of others.

I clamp my mouth shut,
hurting my teeth.
Holding in the choking sensation,
as my lungs refuse the water they were forced to accept

Trying hard to kick to the surface
but finding no stregnth,
no will to fight

The darkness sourrounds me
as the cold water turns icy
my already exhausted muscles
contract to keep my body warm

A losing battle.
My body is limp
my lungs still scream for air,
but don't have the stregnth to find some.

I'm drowning in my own dispair,
Drowning in my own mess,
Drowning in everything that I have ever done wrong,
Drowning in the looks of contempt from others.

I Miss You

I woke up today,
checked my phone,
for why?
I do not know.

It's been months
Since I've woken up to a "good morning"
It's been months
Since I've smiled after a bad night.

I woke up in the middle of the night,
Checked my phone.
I tell myself it's for the time
but really, I try to see if anything is new.

I can't remember the last timeI laughed out loud at 2 in the morning
I can't remember carrying on a conversation with you
that lasted more than three responses.

I look across the hall and remember
A few months ago you made me laugh,
while playing on the school's computers.
But that was too long ago.

I still remember the time
When you knew what I was going to say
and said it along with me

I still remember your smile
I still remember your jokes
I remember my heart skipping a beat,
when you said you liked me more than just friends
And I even remember how my heart raced when you asked me on a date.

I miss you,
I miss the texts
I miss the random conversationsthat we shared.

I miss you,
I miss sitting next to you in class
Holding meaningless competitions on our work

I miss hearing you say "Wow.. .you're short"
in the nicest way possible.
I miss looking forward to my last class

I'm on the verge of giving upon you ever liking me again,
my heart sank when you told me"I'm asking her to be mine"

I tried to be supportive,
but now it hurts
knowing that the texts will never come
knowing that you won't talk to me unless I back you into a corner

I just miss you.

*Worries of a Hurt Love

My heart is pounding
My breaths are a forced calm
feeling so comfortable
in your arms.

My thoughts are restless
I feel so insecure
Did he just say "love"?

I'm not moving ahead,
I'm still stuck in the past.
I see your hand reaching out for mine
Instinct tells me to grab it
the past tells me to avoid it.

Fear clutching me
Hope pushing me
Memories holding me
You pulling me.

Do I jump?
Do I forget?
Can you understand
How badly the other hurt me?

Felt this way once before,
things are better off forgotten,
still I can't help but hold my tounge
before I say, "I think I love you too."

Should I put my healing heart out on the line again?
Should I put my fear of getting hurt behind?
Should I take the plunge into your warm,
protecting embrace?

Would you understand if I told you
How he ripped my heart out,
and laughed as he stomped on it on the floor?
Would you promise me you couldn't
you wouldn't ever do that to me?

My own shelter is falling,
every time I look into your eyes.
So kind, so warm,
seemingly incapable of harm.

So did his.

Do I trust myself?
Should I trust you instead?
I need to sort this out...

And yet,
after that one night,
you've been on my mind since,
How I wish I could be in your arms again,
even if for a few seconds.
To have you that close to me,
and feel fearless.

Fearless of the past,
Fearless of the future.

My heart is pounding
My breaths are a forced calm
feeling so comfortable
in your arms.

Poetry III

2009-03-08T18:13:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately, I haven't found many poems I've written in the year 2006. Only two, one was written at a writing clinic, so it doesn't sound quite like me, but it does. Hard to explain. The other one is far from my favorite. I don't know why I wrote it, but basically it's about someone dying at the hands of a drunk. I'm sure there was something deeper than that, but if I can't precieve anything from it other than that... It's not good... 2006 was a bad year for my writing.

2006

If Only

"If only I could be like that"
That's what they all say and think
If only I could be skinnier
If only I could look like her
If only...

Has our world become something so obsessive
with appearance?
Has our world become just what we don't want it to be
oh so long ago?

What has saying "If only" Got us?
Nothing good
Who has saying "If only" Helped?
Noone

If only, if only
That's what we all say
Why aren't we happy with the way things are?

If only, if only

Another

Another time Another place
Another drink
Another face

Another drive down the road
Another friend
losing control

Another drink
A different place
So many different faces

Time after time
Someone took a drive
an unfortunate end
For your losing friend
You stare from behind the wheel

Still thinking:
Another dream
Another slumber
I'll have another drink
to escape this pain

A person lost their lives
To your uncompassionate mind
You down many drinks
In little or no time

Everytime you hear your mom say
You'll regret getting drunk one day
A friend lost control
as you did too

Time has lost all meaning
as you have met your end.

Poetry II

2009-03-07T22:11:00.000-08:00

The reasoning behind poetry is to show emotion, feelings. Happiness, sorrow, anger, joy. All emotions combine within a rythem of speach to embelish on the facts that reside in our 'heart'. I am not one to say that the heart is the emotion of the mind, but it is the most known term for that. These poems were created in 2005. A whole year or so after the previous ones were written. I believe these are in order from earliest to newest.... So you can see the difference in the writing as the year wore on

2005

Inside out

Sitting here thinking about my past
Shaking my head
trying not to cry

Things are horrible
they made me who I am
I don’t like them
I don’t like who I am

Cold hearted
soft spoken
The past forced me
to hide inside myself

Angry unwilling
to let the truth be known
Hiding inside my own prison
trying to find a way out

These bars are forcing me back
further down
Louder is the music
quieter is my voice

Still I stay
Silent
Cold hearted
Soft Spoken

Don’t Leave...

Now that I understand I might never see you again
Now that I may never know who you are again,
now that you could forget me
I feel everything come at me all at once

I can't be apathetic anymore
I can't just look away
and now as these tears fall
I hope you know
I will miss you

All the laughs we had
even the arguments we've been through
they all seem to be the best
because you're gone...

As you leave can I ask these?

Don't forget me,
Don't leave me behind,
I'll never forget you
I'll always look at your picture and think of the summers we've shared

The nights we spent out on the lawn cursing the lights
so we could see the stars once again
I'll always be thinking of you
Don't forget me..

Once Deadly Now Dead

Once deadly now dead; quietly silently always there; yet in a way not there, just as nothing ever will be; following the footsteps of a cursed life. Rest easy until the night comes with the moon there, but not giving its helpful light. Nothing seems to be living but the wind that proves what will soon happen, they run but cannot escape it.

Silently it creeps following the shadows which it feels it belongs, the horrible shadowed creature is there waiting looking for so many things other than one.

Close your eyes hope that the dark is not there if it is, not even the brightest light will be able to drive it away, not even hope, destiny, love, and the sun.

Welcome to this place where so many people wish to run away, but have to sleep in the darkness that has doomed the lives of the living. We know nothing about these strange ways of the cursed life. Sadly we know nothing of the pressure, pain, and depth of the darkness that seems to stretch beyond the stars light.

Look hopefully towards the heavens and let us see if they come to our aide. Rest easy that nothing is true anymore, but an illusion; an illusion that we cannot find the answer to. Sleep peacefully for the night lasts no longer than seconds before dawn comes and breaks the silence with screams of mercy and pain to the unknown.

Rest there, sleep there, die there. Be the only one who can escape the thing that lurks in the shadows, that follows nothing but the darkness that it can see, smell, feel. Don’t be alone nor feel that you are the only one being stalked by the others.

Take a deep breath and be free from the world that we know nothing of. Relax for it may be the last time that you will be able to see the sun in the darkening sky. Black is the only known color in this world for it is what we only see in our eyes.

Live the life of a tortured soul, to always be hopeful and then to never feel the thing you were looking for. Sadness is the only thing that is for sure to be true in the darkest days, where nothing good seems to come out of.

We walk this road of life to feel what? Joy? Happiness? Wind? There is nothing that can for sure to be told in the details of the sand that always seems to be moving in the wind forever to be here not there, but everywhere. The dirt that comes along with the other people can only mean that nothing good can come from our own children.
Think deeply, feel your spirit fly away from the dead body which lies at your feet. What have you become? Nothing normal? Is anything normal anymore? I cannot see a thing that tells me who we really are. I do not choose to be a human. I wish to be something else but cannot for it is not proper.

Sleep, rest, be happy, be there for the only thing that matters. Live a happy life against the darkness. Are we who we think we are? I doubt it.
Death colors the sky to a blood red the blood shed by mortals who do not believe in our own ways that we live in.
The moon looks down at us and a depressing sigh escapes from its bright face that always seems to be there waiting for you to return from the state that you have forced your mind into.

Release everything that is there, take the good back but please do not let others starve for your own greediness. Sleep comfortably in your bed and be pleased that your life is still there for nothing except the death will take you away from it.

Come live this cursed life that I am forced to live,

Another Time

Another time, another way
another discussion, some other day

these arguments are always the same
and I'm feeling sick of it
sick of it all

So I'm a fuck up,
So I'm useless
So I'll end up owing you big
but that'll be saved for another time

Another tear, another mark
Another time, another spark
Another fire, light the flame
and watch it burn down in the end

So I'm a fuck up
So I'm useless
So I'll end up owing you big
but that'll be saved for another time

Another time, another dance
someone elses laugh, another girl

Another time to ask these questions
another time to tell me lies
another time for me to beleive it all
all that you told me

These fights they make me weary
tiresome and fed up
I get it

I'm the fuck up
I'm useless
I owe you big
And there's no such thing as another time.

So Here I Sit

So Here I sit pondering about what you mean.
You tell me I'm perfect,
You tell me that you love me
And yet you criticize me when I do something wrong.

So here I sit a blade in hand,
Pondering about whether or not to do this to myself.
Will you miss me when I am gone?
Will you even care if I died at my own hands?

I know what you really think about me,
Time is passing by
Breathing has gotten overrated
I want it to stop.

I want you to know what you have done to me.
You have turned me into something I do not want to be
Something that I hate every morning
And I do it all for you,

So here I sit writing my final goodbye
I hope you'll miss me
Even shed a tear for me

When I'm gone you'll notice how perfect I was.
I know we've had our fights
You pinned them all on me,
Before pinning me,
My back is against the wall...
My hands tied behind my back
All because of you, I am left defenseless

So Here I sit
Wondering what will happen
When you see what you have done to me

So here I sit
When it's all over

Drop by drop my blood spills on the floor.
"All for you" I whisper closing my eyes and biting my lip
As it too starts to bleed.

Soon it'll be over,
Soon I'll be normal,
Soon I'll be happy again,
Soon I'll be rid of you and the memories

So Here I sit
following designs in my head until the last drop falls

Somehow

Some how we met,
Somehow we became friends
Somehow we were talking like nothing mattered at all.

Somehow you only saw the good in me
Somehow I only saw the bad.

No matter how much you try to tell me,
I still think you're telling me lies,
another way to get me to laugh,
another way to get me to smile,

just another day
To find some other way

We still fight about what we seeand I'm still sure you're lying to me
No matter how hard you try
I still think I'm ugly inside

I'll laugh, I'll smile but inside knowing
it will only last for a while.

The time rolls on by
and I still have to ask why and how

but you still only tell me how pretty I am
when you don't even know me as much as I thought I did

You don't know what I look like
this fact tears me apart

I started to believe all these lies
even though you told me they weren't

Closing my eyes I can't even see how it could've worked.
Two different opinions
Two different minds

they still haunt me...

I try

I'm trying so hard to be perfect in your eyes
To be the best ever
it all goes wrong in the endyou think poorly of me
and it hurts

I try so hard to be perfect in your eyes
to be noticeablebut in the end
I'm still invisible
unseen by others

I tried so hard to be perfect in your eyes
To be with you happily again
but in the end it costed us both
the time standing still
and the eyes watching them bury our lies

I used to try so hard to be perfect in your eyes
To stand beside you, in everything you believe in
But in the end I was dreaming
I could never try that hardand it ended up killing us
Me before you

I wish I tried harder to be perfect in your eyes
To be the perfect angel for you
but in the end I am gone
and you are left hereto live on happily with life
without me.

Friend or Foe

Time to either say hello or goodbye
I'm tired of waiting for you to say something
To me

I see you with them, and you look past me
I hear you laugh with them, and at me

I thought we were friends
Finally able to talk to each other
About anything and everything

Now the stars are gone
the moon never looked so pale
as I hang
I am hanging on to any word you chose to say

I hoped we were friends
but all I am to you is a tool
To be used in anyway you would like

Time to either say hello or good bye
I'm tired of waiting
Tired of waiting for you to think of me

Think of me as an actual person
A person, not like a trash can you see on the streets

I know that look
you give it to me everyday

I'm just nothing to you
I think it's time we should talk

Say hello or goodbye
tell me for sure
if I am friend or foe

Three Years From Now

I thought I could breathe freely around you,
apparently I was wrong
I now have to watch what I say,
From fear of you ruining my plans like you have done before.
Now you look at me like I'm a stranger
and now I wonder if you'll remember me three years from now

I can't stand the way you look at me
I can see it in your eyes,
You want me back,
You broke my heart,
I don't want you back,
You said you were sorry,
I'm just now getting over the heartache
even though I still feel it some nights
Twice you made me think of things I would never have thought of
Twice I attempted,
I didn't like who I was then,
I'm just getting over that now.
And still I wonder if you'll remeber me
three years from now,
I know I'll remember you

You say you're my best friend,
but even then you keep secrets from me
as much as I hate to say it
You're the only one I truly trust
but I still wonder if you will remember me three years from now

You caused me pain,
You caused me joy,
I can be relaxed,
but you are so dumb
everything I say is twisted around, to fit your sick dream,
You don't know me,
but I know you,
You've been my friend for over half my life
and it hurts,
but I don't even know if you'll remember me,
three years from now.

I thought we had something in common
I guess I was wrong,
Sometimes you make me laugh
but others I just wish you would leave,
I fell for you,
but now I'm out I know you don't like me,
so I'll keep these feelings buried,
maybe burn them,
and I still doubt you'll remember me three years from now

For our class graduation speech,
I'll remember you all,
And smile with tears in my eyes
as I step up to the podium,
I announce to the class,
saying that life has only just begun,
I'll start to remember,
Remember all the laughs we had,
then I'll give you some advise you have all forgotten by then
"Your friends are the most important thing to happen to you
Don't leave them out in the rain, Like you left me.

"This may be time wasting,
but three years from now you won't remember.
think back to this day,
nothing major happened
it won't go in history books,
but it may be in our photo books,
what we did today a year ago,
Flip through the photo album,
and think back,
for the best years have ended,
but great years are about to come."

I'll look around,
and notice that you aren't there
It was only a dream that you could've supported me in anything I want to do
Anything I do is just conversation filler.
It hurts, but you won't remember me three years from now

Poetry

2009-03-05T10:35:00.000-08:00

I've been writing poetry before I even knew what true poetry was. While hardly any of my poems rhyme, they have been labled as "emotional" and "descriptive" one teacher read them and actually called them "depressive". However, whatever is going on in my life you can tell by the mood of the poem. I've tried faking 'happy' poetry to please others, but they have said it lacked my usual emotion.

This will be a compiliation of the poems that I do have saved from 2004 or earlier. (I won't give away my age, but I was young). There will be a new post for each new year. Unlike the first place where these poems were found, I'm splitting them up so they are easier to read and not seemingly endless. Mind you, these are early works so they might not be the best out there.

Oh and please note, that the poems with an astrik '*' next to them are my personal favorites.

2004 and Earlier

Life or Death.

If you had to choose between life or death which would you choose?
Life: There is no meaning for it, or why we were put here. All I know is that there is a reason.
Death: quick, slow, painless, very painful. Is this how you can describe it?
Maybe we will go to any other place better or worse, who knows.

If you had to choose between life or death which would you choose?
Life: The same as death painful, heartache, pain.
Death: The same as life, we die to keep alive.
Maybe we live to die. This is one of the mysteries of life.

If you had to choose between life or death which would you choose?

Ache!

Ache! The only word to describe the pain
The unwillingness to do it, although I must
The stars never seemed to be so black
I must do it

Pain! I wish I could’ve said it
I wish I could’ve said it to the only one
Deep sorrow, I may never see them again

Power! Extreme rebels against us
Extreme hate for us all
I wish I could leave
The unwillingness still is here

Tears, I can see them now.
What have I done?
How could I do it?
I will never see my only one again
I’m sorry.

In the End

My soul yearns to be free
To be with you again
but no,
alas I cannot
I’m forced to push my way through the
blackness
that is myself.

My fault,
I let it consume me
the blackness,
eventually killing me,
In the end

Every day I torture myself
by watching your every move
No more

No more will I torture your soul,
as I have mine,
No more watching in the dark,
wishing to be with you in the end.

At last, you are free
While I am held in the darkness
by chains I locked myself into
In the end, killing me,

Killing me,
Freeing you,
In the end, you will live
while I yearn to be free
with you.

One Last Time

Time stands still,
No sound
other than my beating heart.

Gasping for air,
Trying to breath
I wish the noise would stop

Falling at your feet,
blood on your hands
Beating heart, slowing down

Another has fallen
by your careful hands
purposely draining us all

Breathing shallow
I’ve given up
Beating stopped

Last time I hear your laugh
as the darkness closes in
one last time

Run

Running far away,
Staying near
Nobody will know
How I felt

People stare and laugh
as I walk by
I stare and laugh
as they walk by
People can’t see
this that I’m feeling.

Running to escape pain
Staying to cause more pain
people knew and laughed
when they saw it coming

Kick down the doors
Bang on the walls
The people hear
But don’t care
about this pain I’m going through.

*The Night

The night is bustling
I wish it would be silent
restless relentless
unforgiving.

Watch that stare,
the stars are calling
watching us all
in all our sin.

The lies that are told
are seen by the stars
The night shall cry

For once the sky will
burst into a blood red gleam
angels will cry
For he has given up
letting go
While his brother claims victory

The night is silent,
I wish it were quiet
The sky is red for me
The stars crying turning yellow
While the moon faces the world
Black

Black as the night
which is silent.

Sunset

I look up into the sunset,
The colors blend in like chalk,
The ocean reflects the sky like a mirror.

I look up into the sunset,
The dolphins are at play,
The stars will soon join the moon.

I look up into the sunset,
As the sky grows dark,
The sun sinks lower into the sky.
I look up into the night,
Whishing I could fly to the moon,
To touch the stars and planets.

I look up into the night,
Seeing the sky turn from blue to black,
From black to grey as the clouds move in.

I look up into the night,
Wondering about tomorrow,
Wondering of how all this got started.

I now look upon the sunrise,
The mountains look black against the pink sky,
The sun look golden against the mountains.

As I look upon the sunrise,
I think of hope, an a new love to be found,
I think of the new life growing day by day.

As the I look into the morning,
The sky turns into its usual blue,
I wonder of how many storms we might find.

As I look into the morning,
I see people playing with their children,
The boys are playing baseball.

As I look into the afternoon
The sun gets warmer,
The temperature rises as I think about tonight.

As I look upon the sunset,
I see the stars forming the usual constellations.

As I look into the night,I see the full moon and hear the wolves’ lonely cry.

New Beginnings

2009-03-04T08:50:00.002-08:00

New blog. =) New beginnigns, my first blog will now become a rant and rave about life and other in it, if it is written creatively, it will be copied to over here.